The line between Privilege and Marginalization…

Oh yes, the line becomes very clear when I’m at home like I was, for the last weekend. On the way back home, my dad and I saw some cops. There was an accident but for my dad and I, those are scary moments. I instantly knew I was no longer at my university. I was back to being what I really, an undocumented person.

I could no longer pretend to not be. I could give up the tiring charade that I put for everyone back to the university. I could give up the acting. That’s all it is, as much as it hurts me to say it. To pretend to be like them when inside I’m on the verge of screaming about how life is not fair. But I don’t do that, I don’t mope in my own damn sadness. Not in front of them, I try my best not to. Nope, I act cheerful and laugh. That’s really all I can do at this situation, laugh. Laugh at the injustice, the slaps in the face, the people saying no to a lot of things. Laugh at my dream deferred.

This job is a lonely one, both at the university and at home. At the university, I carry a psychological solitude and at home it is a physical one, on account that I can’t drive and go places. A psychological one is a heavier burden, because I know I’m not alone, I have a lot of friends but it is not the same. Never will be. It is something I have to live with, with the knowledge that whenever I do come out and say I’m undocumented, I’ll be gone. I’ll be forgotten after the media shitstorm unleashed.

So, in the end as I’ve come to learn, I stand alone in the consequences of my actions. I stand alone in the choices I have to make. I don’t know when I’ll have to make that choice, I almost did recently. But for now, I’ll remain as I have always been, a shadow. I know I will speak out; I have to. I refuse to surrender to a situation I didn’t create. I refuse to back down against the odds, never have, never will. I refuse to go quietly into the night.