Stinky Mexicans Taking Over America! July 2, 2008
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A Road of Heartbreak July 2, 2008
Posted by iamashadow in Immigration, college, dehumanization, deportation, depression, illegal immigrants, illegal immigration, immigrants, opinion, personal, random, thoughts, tragedy, undocumented student, undocumented students.add a comment
The next following items are from the website DAP.
I am actually not that upset about going back even if I know nothing at all. I feel that for the first time I am doing something for myself. It wont be easy but it is something that must be done. My mother is upset because she is saying that I am leaving her but I cant live with my family anymore or I will seriously go crazy. I ran out of money and she has agreed to pay my last two semesters at the JC. I’m only finishing it because I have invested my time and money into and Its something that cant be thrown away. Of course, I would love to finish and transfer to a four year but there is just no chance for me. Momma cant do it since she is the only on there. She needs to raise my 3 American born siblings who seriously dont know the meaning of being lucky.
I of course would love to stay but I simply cant wait any longer. I am doing nothing here and will be doing nothing once I finish doing my general ed at that CC. I just need to move on with my life and try to find happiness elsewhere.
Mona Lisa seems to think along the same lines as me. Going back. That’s a question I’ve asked myself a lot of times. A question that will become more pertinent as time passes. It is something think about.
Mona Lisa is right, there is no sense in staying and waiting. There is no sense in staying here, being miserable half the time. Being jealous of what others have.
I’m lucky because I’m at a 4 university. But it is really depressing, knowing how alone I can feel. I took a trip on Monday that showed me how depressing it could all be.
I saw lots of sights, lots of things that were awe inspiring for me. But for most, those things wouldn’t have been. They couldn’t see it through my eyes. I’ve seen that I need to get out more.
An undocumented life is one of constant heartbreak. One of defeats that tend to be devastating. I feel that I’m making a difference for people like me, but it is also taking a huge toll on myself. There is no joy of life, no sense of enjoyment. No sense in being young. There is on sense of freedom and fun. I know for instance that this July 4, I won’t go out to see the fireworks. I won’t go out anywhere. I’ll stay home, indoors, hiding because I know I can’t drive and the police are out there. Living with this sense of fear is detrimental and well, it destroys even the strongest of us. I’m a holdout for now, holding onto what little blind hope in things changing.
I feel like a foreigner in the place I consider home. I’m considered an undesirable, an other and that just feels wrong. People tend to classify my life as a sob story and it is something not to be paid attention to. I don’t care. I don’t know for how long I can be a holdout though, this life is getting tired. I’m tired of the heartbreak and the fights, the defeats. I’ve come to question whether this type of life is worth living.
