I am a shadow

Another dreamer who can’t go anywhere, sigh. Now, I can’t believe this is happening, because this is wrong.

She didn’t enroll in a community college. She can’t enroll in a university because she didn’t take the SAT.

It’s not for lack of trying; current state laws prohibit her from attending a two-year institution and the SAT requires participants to have a valid North Carolina identification card.

Really? What the hell? Can’t even take the damn SAT now? That is fucked up. Sigh. But yes, the person in question cannot go to community college because of the fact that we aren’t allowed in the state of North Carolina.

Karen’s frustration grows when she sees teenagers with documentation drop out of high school, work at a dead-end job or get pregnant at a young age.

“It’s wasted papers because they don’t want to go forward, but they always blame us for the economy being bad and never think about the kids who want to go to school.”

Now, as an undocumented student, you can’t imagine how much anger I can have when I see legal residents squandering their opportunities. More than once I have confronted people like that, and it hasn’t been pretty. I can be extremely mean and terrifying if I have to be and god knows I have been with the people I dislike.

And this is one low blow, because it is ridicoulous. Sigh.

One good thing came from her senior year: Sabdy found her calling after becoming qualified to be a certified nursing assistant through her high school and classes offered at Davidson County Community College. She was one of 11 chosen at her school to take the classes. But when it came time to get licensed, she had to drop out, as she was required to have an identification card.

I think we can all agree in that the system is broken and stuff like the stuff this girl is going through should not happen, not in this country.

And this is heartbreaking.

Sabdy’s guidance counselors were no help. They didn’t consider her a high priority since she was undocumented. They kept telling her to come back next week. She’s not sure if it was strictly apathy or that they didn’t know how to specifically help her.

“They’d say, ‘We’ll deal with you later because we’re worried about the people who can actually get into college,’” she said.

“They helped my neighbor get $45,000 in scholarships, almost a full ride into a school,” she said. “That’s what was top priority for them, the people who could get in. I was mad.”

Sabdy told herself it was fine if they didn’t want to help her. She’d tried to figure it out on her own. One of the few friends who knew she was undocumented gave her a list of scholarships that Sabdy could qualify for, but the scholarships expired that very same day.

At times, she said, it felt as though she wasted her time clocking in community service hours and getting on the honor roll.

In the basement stands a shrine full of trophies and honor roll certificates earned by Sabdy and her siblings, as well as her graduation photo, along with her balloons and banner. She hopes her accomplishments will one day reach the light and not have to stay in the shadows.

It got increasingly difficult as she watched her neighbor place a college bumper sticker on his car and her friends talked about their collegiate futures. When asked about her plans she’d lie, sometimes running home in tears.

“I’d tell them that I was going to community college just so they wouldn’t say anything,” Sabdy said.

You know what I say to those guidance councilors. FUCK YOU.

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