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Sorry… February 8, 2008

Posted by iamashadow in Nintendo, PC games, blog, blogging, computers, games, life, personal, random, sick, thoughts, video games, writing.
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So, no update yesterday, sorry about that. I discovered Steam, online service for selling video games. So I downloaded lots of demos and bought a couple of video games. Okay…couple is small. Anyways, my laptop slowed down to a crawl and couldn’t use it. So yesterday I was dealing with a broken computer but now I’m back. Yay. And I’m sick or getting sick. A cold. :-( But that will not stop me from writing my posts and than sending them out so they can be posted. Hopefully I won’t do anything else stupid on my laptop but than again, this is me who we are talking about and I love those video games. And for the curious, I got Half Life 1 and 2, Deus Ex, Max Payne, Deus Ex: The Invisible War, and a demo of Dawn of War. In my computer I already had Star Craft, World of Warcraft, Rise of Nations, Fable: The Lost Chapters, Civilization IV and the Expansion pack of Beyond the Sword and Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind. Needless to say, I almost like PC gaming as much as I like Nintendo.

End of the Month Blogging January 31, 2008

Posted by iamashadow in blog, blogging, fear, heroes, mentors, personal, quote, quote of the day, quotes, thoughts, videos, youtube.
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January has come to an end. The month’s most popular posts are the following. Illegal Immigrants and Crime first, followed by Immigration Enforcement and the About Me post. As of the moment of this writing I’ve passed the 1700 views mark, with 1400 of those views from January. The best single day was having 82 views.

My favorite video that I posted was the following, Fear Politics.

My favorite quote is the following, from Martin Luther King Jr.

“An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law.”

As for what I hope for February, hopefully continue to blog and have better posts than in the past.

Personal thoughts of the day January 25, 2008

Posted by iamashadow in blog, blogging, college, friends, life, personal, random, school, thoughts.
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It’s been a bad week. Well, maybe not bad. I don’t really know how I feel actually. I’ve been taking part in a fund raising scheme some friends made up in order to raise money for scholarships. I don’t think we will be able to meet the demands that we put on ourselves. It’s depressing to say the least. As for me personally, the long weekend was bad. I ignored some of my work and now that has come to bite me in the ass. I’m getting better though, I’m finishing a paper for my Spanish class tonight. Hopefully it will be good. And yes, I speak and write Spanish but that doesn’t make the master of the language. My English is a lot better I believe. At least with English I don’t have to worry about accents and such, I hate the little things. I can’t hear them but that’s because I’m semi-deaf from my left ear. I always ask my friends to walk to the right of me so I can hear them.

As for other things, I’ve been feeling like crap for some unknown reason. The back of my neck hurts and I’ve been sleepless. I unfortunately stress out easily. I hate it but meh, what I can I do right? I think all in all, it must be the fault of my meds. Or rather, my almost complete lack of them. I’ve been rationing them because I’ve been too busy with things to set up an appointment. Bad choice on my part, I know. I’ll try next week. I need to see my doctor anyways, stuff we need to talk and demons to try to extinguish. I think it is stress though.

A friend and I were talking about a bit our lives and how similar they are to our peers’ lives. Yet so different. Being an immigrant makes your perspective of life a little bit different. This weekend I was planning on trying to enjoy myself by having dinner today with old friends, maybe going to see a play and go so another play on Saturday. Yes, I like plays. I want to go away for a while, and forget about things. I haven’t really been playing video games either, which is a bad sign for the people who know me. I love video games, about my only escape. I still go to classes though, or try to get myself there. I’m not feeling terrible, but feel that I’m on my way there. I have to see someone or something. I don’t want to get depressed again and put the burden on those around me of dealing with me. It’s not fair.

Everyday, I go to class, procrastinate, do my work, play video games, hang out. In biggest sense of the word, I’m like everyone else, at least on the outside. But on the inside, wow, such a different landscape and view. Such a different outlook of life to that of my friends. So many different expectations. Different problems. Different thoughts, dreams and horrible nightmares. A different life. I wish I could live like them, like most people around me. And my back hurts, as if I was carrying a heavy burden. Maybe I am, maybe, but I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Hopefully I’ll get better once I go see a doctor and can get back my daily anti-depressants. Hopefully next week will be better, and the pain will go away, at least the physical one.

Anyways, I’ll continue to blog and hopefully will have something immigration related soon. I know that’s what you come here to read, even the anti-immigrant people come to see those so they can try to defeat my point of view and not about me complaining about life. I’ll have something up soon.

Blogging for a Month January 20, 2008

Posted by iamashadow in blog, blogging, life, personal, thoughts, writing.
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December 20 was the day I started blogging and it is now a month later. I have found it an enjoyable thing to do, blogging, despite the negative comments by some people. I mean, seriously, anti-immigrants are not going to convince me to their side and you don’t see me posting stuff on their websites. I have better things to do…like update my site.

So once again I ask all my readers if there is anything that they think I should do improve my blog. Aside from being more careful with grammar and the like. I love to write but I just can’t get to seem to grasp the grammar work. It’s quite sad actually. But anyways, I might change the format of the blog just for the hell of it too.

So thank you for the people who have commented, even the negative commenters, you amuse me. Also, I would like to thank the people who have added me to their blogrolls, thanks for considering my blog to be good. A special thanks to Moleman from the blog A Case of the Denver Doldrums, dude, you are awesome. While I don’t know much about your situation, I hope you get better and continue to write. I try to read your blog everyday, and on your last post, do try to write if you can. Writing is awesome, it is a great therapeutic technique. It helped me out during my depression. So, thanks for considering my blog a cool one, I think the same of yours.

Anyways, I hope everyone continues to check out this site since I still plan to update it everyday. Maybe not with immigration stuff but most of the time it will be that. I think I need to get better at reviewing things too. Oh, and if anyone wants to know more about me, just ask. I hope everyone is enjoying the long weekend!!

So… January 14, 2008

Posted by iamashadow in blog, blogging, college, friends, friendship, life, movie, personal, thoughts.
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So…I didn’t have posts for Saturday or Sunday. Sorry. There have been a lot of things going on. Mainly hanging out with friends and miscommunication with the people helping me with the blog. So, anyways, I’m back this Monday. I will be a lot busier than I thought I was going to be. I finished buying all of my books and discovered the fact that I’m going to have to read 12 novels this semester. Or I think it was 12, I got to double-check. Plus my other classes also have work. This weekend mainly comprised of reading a thriller, seeing the following movies: Juno, Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail, and Fight Club. After watching Monty Python I made it my life’s purpose to have a killer rabbit and have a flamethrower/bazooka shooting stick. Fight Club is one of the weirdest movies I’ve ever seen. Only Mulholland Dr. beats it. As for Juno, I highly recommended it for everyone. It is a great funny movie, and the main character is great too. I’ve also been playing lots of Guitar Hero III, which is no excuse for not updating the blog so I apologize.

Being back in school is great though. I guess I love school so much I never want to leave, which is why I want to be a teacher. Maybe one day… Anyways, I’m back. Sorry for not updating but I’ll try my best to do write something everyday. I think I’m going to have a cold though, which sucks. I took some Tylenol so that might help. I was going to write something on Saturday but I was suffering from massive headaches. I realized it was because I missed taking my medication. I’m an idiot sometimes. Which reminds me…I have to go to my doctors soon. Better set up the appointments. So, I’m back and better than ever. Hopefully I won’t miss another day!

Back to school! January 5, 2008

Posted by iamashadow in Immigration, blog, blogging, college, friends, friendship, human rights, illegal immigrants, illegal immigration, life, mentors, personal, school, thoughts, undocumented students, writing.
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Ah, school. I’ll be getting back to school very soon. That means that my ability to write posts will diminish. At home, I don’t have a life, at school I have the semblance of one. So if one day I don’t post, it’s probably because I was too busy with schoolwork/friends. I apologize and I will sincerely try to keep the blog updated.

As for my school, I really wish I could write the name down but alas, I won’t. I can say that it is a really beautiful place. Specially on the fall. I like fall, my favorite season and my birthday falls on it too. I really like the falling leaves and the red colors. I walk at nights a lot of the time just to see it. At school I’ve been able to find very good friends. I miss them very much during the breaks. I miss classes too actually, especially now that I’m better at academics.

What I’m trying to say is that I’m grateful to be at the school for accepting me despite of everything. Not just grateful, extremely grateful. I could never say thank you enough.

I had never expected to go to college. If anyone had told me during my junior year of high school that I was going to end at the school where I end it up, I would have laughed my head off. I remember last assignment for my AP English class dealt with college essay. I don’t remember if I did the assignment or not (probably did) but I felt it was useless. Immigrants like myself don’t go to school. I remember the first real tour I had. It was with a friend and three teachers, two of which had graduated there, and it was a great afternoon. I loved the place, I still find it funny that I didn’t actually know where the city or school were even though both are close to the town I lived in, but than on the way back home my attitude change. I told myself that I shouldn’t have hoped to be there. I shouldn’t have liked the place. I shouldn’t have enjoyed it because in the end, I was going to be rejected or I wasn’t going to have the money necessary to attend even if accepted. I couldn’t have any hope on the matter I told myself. Needless to say, I was quite depressed about the whole business of applying to college. But by some sheer luck or a miracle, I end up going to school in a state that counts me being out-of-state. And by some sheer miracle/luck/voodoo mix, I got the funding necessary to go there as well. Now I’m on my way to doing an undecided (I’ll decide this year…) major.

Do I believe I stole someone’s seat at this university. Of course not. I was accepted as an out-of-state student so I wasn’t even in the competing pool of in-state people. I think I proved myself capable of being able to be accepted by my school work. That and I wrote a novel, a 300 page novel, now BEAT THAT! Haha. I find that crazy even my own standards.

What more can I say? Well, I will never be able to thank enough the people who made it possible to be here today. Again, I send a thank-you to my friends, who I will see soon, for putting up with me. Also, I want to say that I’m in indebted the people who run and make this blog possible. You guys are great!

PS. I still think its crazy, the whole novel project, mainly because it is mind-boggling that there is a finished version of it. The quality isn’t as well as I would have wanted, but it is 300 pages singled-space too, BEAT THAT!

Internet War January 1, 2008

Posted by iamashadow in 2008, Immigration, blog, blogging, dehumanization, human rights, illegal immigration, life, personal, politics, thoughts, undocumented student.
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The immigration debate is gaining a large presence in the blogosphere. The rise of the pro-immigrant bloggers is upon us. Fellow blogger Open Borders Lobby is right in all the resolutions she wrote.

The need to combat hate speech that is now categorize as okay needs to stop. I’ve seen immigrants being called parasites, leeches, terrorists, infiltrators (on a side note, an immigrant friend said this one made him feel like Jack Bauer. I laughed a lot), dogs, scum and a lot more. All because the pundits who disagree with an immigration reform call them illegals. Illegals takes away the word immigrant transforming them from people looking for a better life to criminals and more. Without the word immigrant, illegals only becomes the beginning and all the other words follow because it is okay. That is the beginning of the dehumanization. The tide of 20 to 1 against in the immigration needs to stop. The pro-immigration movement and voices need to organize and rise to challenge those those who would deemed immigrants to be unworthy of compassion. Living in fear is something that shouldn’t happen in the 21st century, not in the country everyone considers the best, not in the nation of immigrants.

New Year Resolutions January 1, 2008

Posted by iamashadow in 2008, blog, life, personal, thoughts, writing.
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Well, it is the start of a new year and I have some things which I want to do and complete. Since this will be a personal list, some of them will be serious and some of them not so serious, because life can be both. Hope everyone celebrated last night and are not too hung over.

  1. Good grades: My grades need to continue their rise upward. This is the commandment above all others.
  2. Get a new phone: My old phone is a piece of crap…*sigh*
  3. Decide between a TV or lots of money: My dad wants to get me a new TV, and I’m indecisive as hell.
  4. Go see Cloverfield.
  5. Get the video game Super Smash Brothers Brawl. Well that isn’t much of a resolution, but a fact.
  6. Not get addicted to the video game above.
  7. Go see The Dark Knight.
  8. If living with my mom, cry a lot because I know I won’t see The Dark Knight
  9. Not buy anymore unnecessary video games. My roommate is probably laughing at this one…
  10. Continue to spread the gospel on the fact that the Nintendo Wii is better than the competitors. You know it to be true roommate!
  11. Slap myself on the face if I do get addicted to Brawl…
  12. Finish at least a fourth of my video games on my collection.
  13. Read more. Seriously…so many books to read.
  14. Write the sequel to my novel.
  15. Rewrite my first novel.
  16. Ah, forget it. Just write short stories.
  17. Go Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii more often.
  18. Watch more soccer. By that I mean the Mexican soccer team that I cheer for.
  19. Slap myself on the face AGAIN if I do get addicted to Brawl. Seriously…I know it’s going to happen.
  20. Get drunk. Hahahahaha, I’m kidding or am I…?
  21. Have a Lord of the Rings movie marathon.
  22. Have another Star Wars movie marathon.
  23. Continue this blog because it is important
  24. Strive for perfection. Perfection is not achievable but striving for will make me a better person.
  25. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T GET ADDICTED TO BRAWL!
  26. And…thanks to my friend Jess for suggesting this one, have 24 hour Wii marathon. On the summer of course when there is no school. It will probably involve Brawl…

Happy New Year December 31, 2007

Posted by iamashadow in 2007, blog, life, personal, thoughts.
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Happy New Year to everyone who has read and reads this blog. Hope everyone has a happy 2008!

A year in review…immigration December 31, 2007

Posted by iamashadow in Immigration, blog, dehumanization, human rights, illegal immigration, life, personal, politics, thoughts.
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It has been a year of heartbreak. Of pain. Of watching other people slowly taking away the dignity of immigrants as human beings as they are deemed unworthy of compassion. Everyday the line between terrorist and immigrant is slowly eroding. We have become the enemy while the real enemy is out there doing god knows what. We are deemed inferior because of our culture, because Americans believe that immigrants will change them for the worse.

On May, an immigration reform was worked out. It was deemed an ‘amnesty’, forgiveness for criminals so it didn’t pass. Following that defeat most things just went to hell with the immigration issue and giving a clear victory for the anti-immigrant forces for this year. More raids have happened making everyone who is an immigrant shake in fear. Of course, it makes it okay to make ‘them’ shake in fear, they are ‘them’ after all, and not ‘us’. Another defeat followed at New York as it attempted to give licenses everyone, even illegal immigrants. The anti-immigrant uproar followed and such plans were scrapped. It was all done for the sake of national security and not rewarding criminals. I would have believed that knowing were everyone lives and have picture IDs would be more productive to fight crime but that most happen in some bizarro world. The Dream Act went up again and thousands of students who could have become Americans and do good work for the society that raised them saw their dreams disappear in a puff of smoke.

‘Till We Have Faces has a reaction of a friend who wanted the Dream Act to pass, I think this person speaks for a lot of Dreamers.

“He just appeared sad and listless for a while. But it wasn’t ’til on Thursday (a day after it failed?), after we watched Ugly Betty, that he completely broke down. We both seemed to have enjoyed the show, so I really did not see it coming. After the show had ended, we began to talk about our days. He began to explain to me that he had finally been able to narrow down a topic for his thesis next semester when he discussed it with a professor earlier that day. As he was explaining, he was trying to smile, and he was gesturing his hands (he always does that when he explains things). Suddenly, he stopped talking and his hands kept on moving–the words wouldn’t, couldn’t be uttered. Then, he broke down in tears. He then brought his hands to cover his face as the tears streamed down. Immediately, I said, “I’ll go get tissue.”

As for me. How did I feel? Disappointed but I knew it was going to happen. I always have hope of good things happening, even though I tell myself to not have any, but I don’t listen to myself. I end up disappointed and sad. It is a harsh reality immigrants have to face. Most people who know me can see how depressive I can get because of it all, but not really understand the pain it really causes. How our situation haunts us is something we and very close friends know. This year I’ve come to cope with most things. My friends are there for me, even when some of them make mistakes. Thank you guys again!

2007 was a year of defeats. There is a lot of blame to go around of course. The Republicans for blocking any chance of a sensible and realistic reform. Democrats for not voicing their opinions any higher and letting the Republicans do all the talking. The Latino community for its inability to rise as one. Those who are pro-immigrant for not unifying. And I, for not raising my voice until this late in the game. But that was 2007, and we are moving on to 2008, and I hope things get better. I also hope to not be disappointed…

The Truth December 30, 2007

Posted by iamashadow in Immigration, blog, blogging, illegal immigration, personal, politics, quote, undocumented student.
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“Immigrants today, however, have no one to fight for them. Indeed, they are precluded from the fight. With our current attitudes, we complain about them working the high-skilled jobs for which they have been qualified through education and experience, and we sit by silently and allow them to do the jobs that we are unwilling to perform. In the midst of this hypocrisy, we do not even allow them a foothold to secure their rights, in spite of a marked tradition of doing so in the past. This fact constitutes perhaps the most damning aspect against any argument that aliens are not a suspect class…They cannot better their situation and must rely on citizens to take up their causes. They are silenced and shut out of the legal debate.” This was written by Judge Liotti from New York as he thinks it is unconstitutional to deny licenses to immigrants. Fellow blogger Open Border Lobby has more on that, and thanks for the quote by the way.

I believe the quote to be true, going along in the same lines of my earlier post, Silence that kills. It is a killer silence that only immigrants or very close friends of immigrants can understand. It is heartbreaking. I blog in order to break that silence and to allow my voice to be heard. It is the only thing I can do.

Writing=being god December 28, 2007

Posted by iamashadow in blog, blogging, life, personal, quote, thoughts, writing.
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A blank piece of paper is God’s way of telling us how hard it is to be God. Sydney Sheldon.

The quote above is a basic illustration of how I feel about writing. The feeling of control over the destiny of others is an intoxicating feeling, like the one of any drug. Very hard to match. Writing is a paradox. It is hard as hell…and yet one doesn’t mind being hard. It is time consuming but time can fly. It can be torturous and yet so amazing. What drives people to write? I have no idea, I don’t even know why I write but I know I do and I enjoy it immensely, even when I’m complaining about it.

Silence that kills December 27, 2007

Posted by iamashadow in Immigration, Spanish, blog, editorial, illegal immigration, life, personal, politics, thoughts, undocumented students, writing.
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This is an editorial for all those who don’t do anything. For those who stand in the sidelines. This editorial has been on my mind for a long time. It made me want to do something for myself, to raise my voice. Ultimately, this blog is the result of that. It was written in Spanish and I’ve translated it for the benefit of everyone. From Univision to you, Jorge Ramos, the most recognized news anchor in the Spanish speaking networks and someone I admire.

Silence that kills
The undocumented stand alone
By Jorge Ramos Avalos

It is as if they became mute. As if they didn’t have mouths. As if they didn’t have vocal cords. Almost no one defends undocumented immigrants in the US. And it is that silence that kills the hope and aspirations of 12 million people.
The new enemy
Something terrible has happened in the US. Out of nowhere undocumented immigrants have become the new enemies. Terrorists are now below them. I’m not exaggerating. Listen to latest presidential debates y you will see how the candidates dedicate more time to attack undocumented immigrants than the terrorists.
Bush’s government, that for many years have spoke about ‘compassion’ for undocumented, now hunts them down with the worse raids in the country in the last decade.
Osama bin Laden has not been captured, but undocumented Mexican immigrant, Elvira Arellano has. And the voices of the anti-immigrants multiply with impunity in the American radio and television. They attack relentlessly, and no one answers back. And because there is no other voice, most people assume that the anti-immigrants most be correct.
Unfavorable polls
This lack of a good message for immigrants can also be seen in polls. The network ABC made a poll in September in which 54% of Americans say that immigrants hurt the country.
Only 34% said that immigrants help. It can be seen, the anti-immigrants have won, for the time being, the immigrant debate.
Attacks of 2001
But lets get clear that of the 19 terrorists that killed almost 3 thousand Americans on 9/11 no one was Latino and crossed the border by Mexico.
The shouts of the anti-immigrants have drowned the voices of reason.
Why does this silence exist? The Mexican government of president Felipe Calderon, for various motives, has stayed out of the debate. I don’t see any Mexican diplomat in CNN or Fox News, in Congress defending their own, talking about the how good immigrants are and denouncing their dehumanization.
President Calderon has not even visited any of the Mexican communities in the US
I understand that distancing away from subject because his predecessor, Vicente Fox, empathized with immigrant debate but got no results. Maybe they already gave up and are now waiting for a new American president to start the talks again.
Unjustifiable Silence
But that’s not justify your silence against the avalanche of attacks against immigrants. The Mexican government is not the only one who is quiet. There are many and different groups in the US. But they haven’t been able to get a clear and effective message.
Worse still, after the failure of Washington in its attempts at an immigration reform, they left the door wide open to those who have false, flimsy, and even racist information in respect to immigrants.
The message in favor of immigrants should include the following arguments: they are not criminals or terrorists, they do give back to the services they receive, they pay taxes; create jobs, maintain low inflation, replace workers who retire, they farm our food and build our homes;, it is true that they broke the law but so have millions of Americans and thousands of employers, they can become allies in the fight against terrorism, they have more faith in the opportunities that the US offers than the many Americans, they reinforce family values, believe in education for progress, rejuvenate the country’s population, they are giving the US a new language for free, they learn English quickly, they are a bridge to Latin America, their mere presence promotes tolerance to diversity, they would be ready to die for this country (there are immigrants fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan), and in general, they make the US a better country.
Not heard, not seen
That is the message: immigrants help the US and for that we have help them. But this message is not heard because many do not raise their voices
“We have to have a side”, wrote Elie Wiesel, the Nobel Prize winner and survivor of the Holocaust, in his book Night. “Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Action is the remedy against indifference. Indifference is the worse enemy we have.”
We have to apply the Wiesel’s lesson for the situation immigrants now live in. There are silences that kill. Being quiet against all the attacks against them is the greatest danger for all. That silence affects immigrants and erodes the values of tolerance, openness, and generosity that for decades have distinguished American society.
The US can and should regain that wonderful tradition of open arms for foreigners and the weak. That is what it truly means to be “American”.

Blogging for a week… December 27, 2007

Posted by iamashadow in blog, blogging, life, personal, politics, thoughts, writing.
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So, it has been a week since I started writing this blog. To all those who have read anything in it, thank you. I have to apologize for all the typos and grammar mistakes. I’m a living a paradox, I love to write and yet suck (at least in the grammar sense I think) at it. I’ll get better at it, I promise. Anyways, I welcome any suggestions that you might have, comments, concerns, hate letters. Its all good.

Oh, and more than one person has tried to comment and the comment has not appeared because it has been caught by the spam detector. Sorry about that, it was not my intention to stop anyone from commenting. I’m still learning the ropes of this so again, sorry.